“Memory… is the diary that we all carry about with us.” - Oscar Wilde
I mentioned a few posts ago that my closet is like a time machine. It is jammed packed full of unnecessary junk which needs to be purged or organized according to my mom memories. Every so often, maybe every 7-12 months I will pull everything out and go through it and see what I have been hoarding keeping.
For the first time in a long time I pulled everything out. I originally was in search of something, which I just realized I never found or got distracted and forgot about it (I also cannot remember what I was searching for which is currently frustrating me….). In the midst of looking for said object I got a little caught up in some of the things I found.
The items in my closet are a glimpse into the person I used to be. It is stuffed full of mementos of hopes and dreams of the girl I was, the girl I hoped to become, and even the person who I have become. Some items I kept because it was easier to throw in the closet and forget about it, than to walk 20 feet and find the garbage; it is those items which seem to mean the most. The items of memories you would have otherwise thrown away.
There were items which I feel like I haven’t seen in years. The items which either meant a great deal, or were accidental memories.
The yearbook from my grade 8 graduating class – I was co-editor. Our yearbook group spend hours after school for weeks trying to pull it off. Has it really been 8 years? Flipping through the pages it seems like a lifetime ago, yet in other ways it could have been yesterday. The girl I was that lifetime ago could not wait for high school and the amazing years that would be spent there.
I pull more things out and I find not only all 4 yearbooks from high school, but the graduating picture. A picture which I haven’t opened since receiving it graduation night 4 years ago. It has been so long that the rubber band holding it closed has left an indent.
The more I dig the more I find. The mirror which lived through high school with me. The same mirror which hung in my locker for all 4 years. A mirror I looked in multiple times a day, every day. I looked in it on every good and bad day. Before every class, lunch, morning, afternoon – wow I sound vein. It is such a small (and really cheap) thing which I literally watched myself grow in. This September will officially mark 4 years since finishing high school. I would have been out of high school as long as I was in it.
I find my first two stages of driving licenses. Things I couldn’t wait to obtain. Paperwork, actual license, the admit slips for class since I was late coming back after taking the tests. Homeroom 217 – religion. It will be 6 years in June that I got it. 6 years.
I keep digging. I find 2 cellphones. I laugh at first, an LG chocolate spin, and a blackberry storm (the original) and totally the coolest thing ever at the time. I kept them in my pocket every day. I find a charger, I plug them in and turn them on. I read text messages. Complaining about homework, math tests, who was grounded and who could hang on a Friday night, what movie everyone wanted to see, who had detention or who could come for lunch. Those were the biggest issues of those days.
I remember living through all of this wishing and dreaming about being older so it could all be over. I was never content. Working on our yearbook wishing we were in high school and driving. I got to high school, started driving, wishing I was 18 so I could do whatever I want and high school would be over. I turned 18, high school ended, did the college thing, couldn’t wait for that to end. College ended and life started. I am at the place I always wanted to be, and yet there are still things I can’t wait for – paying off school, buying a house, marriage..
Somehow, just going through my closet and getting a glimpse of the past causes me to slow down. To enjoy and to live in the present. To realize everything goes by way too fast.
Then just like that, I put everything back inside, and close the door on those little memories for another day.
Do you have a little time travel box/room/closet?
What do you miss most about the past?