I Hate Sports

“I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.” – Rodney Dangerfield

I think I have mentioned quite a bit just a few times, that I absolutely hate sports. Blasphemy right? How could someone hate sports? It seems so absurd. I feel like my reasons are completely legitimate as I am with a 100% sports addict. If Jamie is not watching sports, hes playing them, if hes not playing them hes reading about them, if hes not reading about them hes playing sport video games, if he is not playing video games hes talking about them, if hes not talking about them hes sleeping. Maybe that is a bit extreme – but not really. I have decided to compile my reasons, in no particular order.

Terminology: Oh my God!! Terminology is something which drives me absolutely nuts. There are terms which make no sense what so ever. For example:

Handicap: By definition, “Handicap” means “A condition that markedly restricts a person’s ability to function physically, mentally, or socially”…. Seriously, WTF does this have to do with golf? Really? Think about it!
Fantasy/Fantasy League/Fantasy Draft: One word which remains constant is “Fantasy”, again, lets look at the definition: “The Faculty of imagining things that are impossible or improbable.”, in other words “bullshit”, so why the hell do people care so much about their “bullshit team”. In addition to this, I hate having to wait around for Jamie to finish “drafting” his “bullshit team”. Tick tock.

Live Games

This is something else which is horrible. Please keep in mind I have not gone to many sporting events. In the summer I went to a baseball game, I’ve gone to a lacrosse game, and I have seen Jamie play baseball every week in the summer.
1) I cannot pose for a photo prior to, without looking scared out of my mind.
2) Why would I want to sit THAT close to someone? I don’t know you. I do not want my arm to know your arm. Also, if you are sitting beside me, do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, start commentating the game to me. Im sitting right beside you buddy, stfu, I came here so I didnt have to listen to the paid commentator commentating.
3) To all of you drunk obnoxious neanderthals – do everyone a favor and not come. No one wants to listen to you calling the other team onto a fight
4) MOST IMPORTANT. It irritates me to NO end having to listen to people YELL at the ref. Your displeasure is NOT going to change his call. Sit down, and shut up. I Jamie did not pay for me to listen to you yell at something that is out of your control. Why don’t you go and yell at people who litter, maybe you can save the polar bears.

Replays/highlights

If I am watching sitting through a game, why do I need to watch the replay of the ball/puck/object going into the net in 18 different views. What does it matter? It went in. What else is there to see. The ref said it went in, it went in.

After watching a game where you also watched 18 different views of each goal/score/touchdown/hole why must one watch the highlights AFTER the game which is recapping the replays? Seriously? Watching the game was torture enough, why have re-watch the replays?

NASCAR

Round and round the merry go round, we get it.
The commentators annoy me also, “lets go racing boys” – week after week, its annoying – do everyone a favor and come up with a new saying. Better yet, mute the microphones.

NASCAR has to be the WORST for replays. Yes, he crashed, we saw it 18 different ways, but now must we listen to 14 different drivers, and 12 crew chiefs take on the crash? It happened, clean up the track so we can get a move on and finish this race so we cant watch the highlights.

Pitting – if I wanted to watch guys change tires, I would hang out at my local Canadian Tire for an afternoon and take in all the ‘excitement’.

The “roar” of the engines are “exciting”? Some of the best sleeps I had, I fell asleep to that “roar”

Lastly, I hate the talk to “racing strategy”. Really? If I am interesting in watching “strategy” I would go witness a chess game AFTER hanging out at Canadian Tire.

FOOTBALL

Nothing like seeing grown men slap each other on the ass after a “good play”.

Back to the commentators. Seriously, how much do you hate your life during each game? Talk about boring! “He has the ball. And he just passed it to him. He has done the unexpected here and passed to someone else. Oh no, he got tackled. What a run. Bad times. The other team has the ball now. And they’ve kicked it. Shocking.”

I threw a football with Jamie once. He tackled me. I was on the grass. THE GRASS.

HOCKEY

I am Canadian, and I hate hockey, is this blasphemy or what?

It it too fast + the puck is too small = hard to follow = headache = annoying

Enjoying/Watching hockey is like celebrating the cold and the snow, two things I hate. Oh, and its on ICE, so it is even colder.

I hate the smells of the area, and the disgusting fried food they provide.

I think it is pathetic watching grown men have a temper tantrum and fight with each other on the ice. Grow up and act like men, not 13 year old boys on the schoolyard.

CURLING

Aside from just being boring and having to listen to “HARDER, HARDER, HARDER” like some weird sexual thing, this is the sport Jamie watches when there are no other sports on. Therefore, I hate it.

BASEBALL

I went to game. There were drunk men. The man beside me wouldn’t stop commentating.

Baseball takes forever to finish.

Not only is 162 games/season WAY too long, but the fact that 8 teams make the playoffs. There are 30 teams, that means 26% of the teams make the play offs, they should only have 4 teams to end the season faster.

You can leave, go get a pizza, come home, eat the pizza, and you missed absolutely nothing,

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3 thoughts on “I Hate Sports

  1. Pingback: If This Were True, I Would Not Have Kids | Life Full of Jules

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  3. Pingback: An Embarrassing New Addiction | Life Full of Jules

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