If You Really Knew Me, You Would Know

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?” – Albert Einstein

After reading a few different articles on the subject I have diagnosed myself with Misophonia. What is Misphonia? Misphonia is essentially “Hatred of Sound”. This is a neurological disorder which cause any individual who have it to are annoyed or even enraged by certain repetitive sounds. I am sure Jamie can tell you how much I hate repetition of anything. I am not one of those who get annoyed, I get enraged. The same question rephrased repetitively will cause me to blow a gasket. Oddly enough, if I like a song, like really, really like a song, I will play it over and over on repeat until I cannot stand it. There are only 3 songs which I have never gotten tired of  (Kenny Chesney – I Go Back, Kenny Chesney – Anything But Mine, and Train – Drops of Jupiter). All three songs have a 300+ play count on my iPod.

I stab my gums. I did some research into this, apparently it is a common (and rather sadistic) way to  deal with anxiety. If I am stressed, or really into a show/movie which is at a highly emotional part I will stab my gums with my nail. I will stab the same spot until it bleeds and then I will move on. It is like a compulsion, I know it hurts, I know its really weird but I cannot stop.

I am lactose intolerant but nothing will come in the way of me eating ice cream or coffee. Please see my instagram account (juliaisslamow) for photos of Starbucks, my Keurig, and of me eating ice cream!

lactose-nightmare

Obsessed with times and plans. I think this has a big thing to do with stabbing my gums as I get incredibly stressed and anxious. Time is a big, big thing. If I am going out I need a specific time “2:00 PM”, “2 ish” makes me nuts. I will be completely ready to go an hour before the said time waiting to leave. If we have to leave a 2, by 1:30 I will be waiting in the car. Jamie has learned to adapt to this neurotic compulsion. In addition I do not deal well with plans being changed. If Jamie were to say “we need to go get groceries, do laundry, and have some lunch” he sure as hell better be doing those tasks in that order. If I am getting ready to go get groceries and he wanted to do laundry first he has to rearrange his mindset or I will start stabbing my gums.

I love big cities. Small towns (where I live) or open fields make me feel anxious and suffocated. I do not see anything nice with wide open spaces. I need skyscrapers and busyness and actual shops.

I have never had a cavity but I DO have a porcelain tooth. Not sure how I managed the no cavity thing, but the porcelain tooth is kind of a comical story.  I was barely 12, and I was outside skipping with my sister on loose gravel. I am not a coordinated person, or have any balace for that matter. I tripped over the rope and went face first into the corner of the cement step and BAM, there went a third of my centre right front tooth. I was unable to get into the dentist until the next day, so I am super grateful this incident happened in the summer. What I am omitting is my sister’s favourite part of the story. After I lost part of my tooth I ran into the bathroom, locked myself in there and sobbed in a high pitch scream for a good 45 minutes until I unlocked the door. The whole time my mom was banging on the door and yelling to unlock it.

I have spent far too many days in my pj’s, on the couch, knitting and watching TV shows on Netflix. See my instagram for photos of Dawson’s Creek, Gray’s Anatomy, Friday Night Lights, and much much more.

I am very black and white – I hate grey areas. It either IS or it ISN’T. I guess, I just don’t understand grey areas. On those personality test surveys – you know the “strongly agree, agree, neutral, disagree, strongly disagree” bullshit? – all my answers will be “strongly agree” or “strongly disagree” because it IS or it ISN’T.

I am ambidextrous. I am equally capable of doing things with both hands, for example I put my make up on my right side of my face with my right hand, left side of my face with my left.

When I was in Kindergarten my dream was to grow up and be a crossing guard. As the story goes, on kindergarten graduation day, there were drawings each kid did of what they wanted to be when they grew up. My mom walked around and saw drawings of other kids who were aspiring “doctors, lawyers, dentists, singers”, then she stumbled upon mine – CROSSING GUARD. I think I saw power in holding that sign. My mom then spent the summer convincing me that a crossing guard could be my second job.

I can recite the entire movie of Matilda. Best children’s movie ever. Jamie and I have babysat my little cousins a few times, and every time we watch Matilda. The three of us girls recite the entire movie and Jamie looks on in shock.

Vince Vaughn, Bruce Willis, and Jim Carry, makes me want to stab my eyes. Can’t stand them, or their movies, yes, that goes for The Grinch.

I pull the asthma card WAY too much. I have asthma. Not severe. But you would think I am someone in a constant wheelchair gasping for air, with how often I use the excuse. Grade 9, we had a semester of mandatory gym. Passed the class with a 51, as I had doctors notes the entire semester so I didn’t have to participate. I get strep throat way too much, and for a sore throat it is not a priority on the receptions end (yeah… Our next available appointment is 3 weeks next Tuesday) , so I say its so bad it is triggering my asthma and I am having labored breathing, miraculously “Will 1:00 today work for you?”.

asthma-card

I hide from 99% of people I see in public. This is embarrassing. I live in a small town, you cannot go outside without seeing your entire high school, plus their parents and neigbours. If I am out I usually make myself look busy or like I didn’t notice them. Of course there is a 1% of people who I will talk to. While typing this, I realized how bad of a person that makes me sound like.

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Is there anything on here that you do?

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