People Who Deserve Paper Cuts…

“A smile opened, thin as a paper cut” – Michael Chabon

Do you know what sucks? Paper cuts. They hurt like a mother trucker, the bleed like Niagara Falls, and you want to amputate your finger if you happen to get one under your nail. Maybe I am just a wimp, but I would much rather accidentally cut myself with a knife while chopping vegetables than get one of those deadly paper cuts. Is that weird?

I also get annoyed very easily by people. Well, that’s not true. I feel like I have a pretty great tolerance (I am sure Jamie is laughing while reading this) but there are certain things people do with severely annoy me. And since I am trying to be a better person, I think it is only right to get these emotions out. These are the people who deserve to have one of those Mother Trucker under the nail Niagara Falls paper cuts.


+ People who brag about/post pictures of the numerous alarms they have to get out of bed in the morning. Why does one need to brag about setting 34 alarms spread out in 90 minutes before they need to get up? It goes off, you get up, you get ready, and you go do whatever you have to do. Snooze buttons should be illegal. Also, while typing this, I cannot rationally figure out how it even affects me, all I know is that it annoys me.

+ Multiple pictures on Instagram seconds apart of the same thing. For example a family picture taken beside the Christmas tree. Find one, Instagram it. I do not need to see the top 12 family pictures plus the top 5 couple shots, plus the 7 pictures of the dog in light up antlers.

+ I guess this one goes hand in hand with Instagram. #Instagram #hand #hands #handinhand #guessing #girl #GirlsOfInstagram #typing #laptop #me #PleaseGiveMeAPAPAERCUT #cut #paper #papercut #deserving #please #manners

+ Facebook statuses over dead beat daddies. I think some things need to be kept personal and not for your 600 closest friends to read about. Child support, custody, how much you hate them, etc. I think discussing on a FB status makes you JUST as bad as the dead beat. Go to court work it out or STFU and get in line for paper cuts.

+ Parents who cannot control their children in public. Why am I tripping over your bratty kid because you cannot say “no”? Having a kid roll around on the floor screaming and kicking is unacceptable, seriously, how bad do you REALLY need whatever you are picking up. The child is 5, pick them up and leave the establishment before I yell at them – and I will – and on your way out go get a paper cut. UNDER. ALL. YOUR. NAILS.

+ Bitchy employees. I did not walk into your place of employment and fill out the application for you, went to the interview for you, and got you the job. If you hate your job that much – quit, or don’t be bitchy to customers because I have a question regarding something in your facility. Everyone has bad days, but it does not excuse rudeness. Come here, get a paper cut and have a reason to be bitchy.

+ Lastly, for my Canadian friends who I am sure can relate… People in the Tim Horton’s Drive Thru who order 8 coffees, 3 teas, 4 – 12 pack of doughnuts, 5 breakfast sandwiches (all custom made), 2 Panini’s, and a free TimBit for their dog.. And your paper cut will be ready at the window.

Let’s get our anger out together.

Who do YOU think deserves a paper cut?
Do you think I missed anything?
Is there anything you hate more than a paper cut?



9 thoughts on “People Who Deserve Paper Cuts…

  1. lolololololol. i agree with just about all of yours. i think shitty drivers deserve a paper cut every time they do dumb shit. talk about paper cuts galore there. professors who tell you at the beginning of the semester that you NEED to buy the $150 book for this class, and then you never use it once. they deserve more than a paper cut, they deserve a punch in the face.

    • OMG those professors are assholes!!! Like there is nothing better I can buy with $150.. I still have the $100 iclicker thing since the bookstore can’t buy it back and you can’t sell it (have you seen the clicker thing which is used during AFV – its a portable version of that). Yup, never used that once.. Never even turned the bloody thing on. Seriously, I would love to give them a high the face…with a chair.

      Now that my aggression is out…

  2. Hahahahaha! I needed to read this – LOVE IT! Who do I think needs a paper cut? People who book 5 star hotels through discounted websites and want everything for free, but yet complain about not getting the best rooms, spa and dinner complimentary etc because of the ‘extortionate price’ they are paying’ and then give out that it is not 5 star standard!!! Grrrrrrr.. You thought breakfast was included in your rate? Let me just have a look at your confirmation? Oh look… it clearly states room only. You want the best suite in the hotel? Well, pay the price and contact the hotel directly so we can form some sort of relationship with you before you arrive goddammit! If you’re genuinely nice on the phone to us we will upgrade you up two or three categories of rooms without you even asking us!!! If you don’t want to do that, there are plenty of 2* and 3* hotels around the corner that you can get everything inclusive for the price you are willing to pay!!!!! We are 5* for a reason you know!!!

    Is it that obvious I’ve finished my studies and am back to work?! 😛

  3. I agree with these. I definitely don’t appreciate parents that can’t control their children in public. I feel like so many parents are afraid to discipline their children in this day and age but sometimes, that is just what the child needs! I know it’s probably not best to judge how someone chooses to parent; however, I think this is just common courtesy for those around you!

    • I completely agree. I think there is this huge thing about “getting in trouble” you “cant do anything” without someone threatening Childrens Aid.. I just think if your child is misbehaving, deal with it OR take your child home. I don’t think anyones experience needs to be bad just because your kid wants to throw a tantrum

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