“Stupidity is also a gift of God…” – Pope John Paul II
With Christmas quickly approaching in 31 days.. or something like that.. who is counting.. There are numerous ridiculous commercials on TV of the ‘perfect gift’. Most of these are nothing more than battery operated hell for adults – aka kid stuff. However, oddly enough we received the strangest catalogue in the mail this week. It was similar to Avon, but Avon would be the Louis V, and this would be the Walmart brand. Or (Jamie this is for you) Avon would be the NHL and this book would be the kids on the road that you have to swerve around… You know, then you have to wait 20 long seconds for them to move the damn net so you can make it down the street.
Seriously, I thought this was a joke. I didn’t understand why anyone would 1) want 2)buy, any of the crap in this book. AND IT WAS FOR ADULTS. By adults I mean, PG stuff, this wasn’t a sex toy order book.. Can they even mail a sex toy book out? Not that I would want that.. I am going to stop.
Moving forward, I went through the book and found the best of the worst things one can order.
1) Fleece lined leggings – $19.98. I do not understand this. Why would anyone potentially want to wear a pair? Like believe me, I totally understand it is cold in the winter, but to steep this low? I think maybe when its -30C it would be better to, oh I don’t know, wear pants? It is like people who wear leggings under shorts in the winter. There comes a time where summer clothes needs to be put to the back of the closet and forgotten about for 6 months.
2) Hot pudding mold $39.98. First and foremost, WTF is hot pudding? The image it repulsing. It looks like meatloaf with weird filler stuff, topped with a sprig of rosemary. Do you eat hot pudding? Is there a different name for it?
3) Adult body bib $14.98. Aside for the fact she is in a full body bib and looks happy doing it, why does one need it for a plate of spaghetti with hardly any sauce? She should at least be eating ribs or something messy. Spaghetti? Really? An adult bib?
4) P EZ – female stand up pee apparatus $12.98. I have no words.
5) Magnetic bra extender $19.98. I think maybe, as hard as it is, one needs to say “my bra is too small. I need a new one.” for $20 you can get a brand new bigger one. Why extend your too small one with a MAGNET. I would somehow contort my body and the magnet would come apart. Oh gosh, you know when you are going through security at the airport and they have you drop anything with a magnet and other stuff to be checked. “Sorry, I have a magnetic bra extender attached to my bra so it would fit, because I would rather pay $20 for that instead of a new bra”.. Do people actually do this?
6) Glow in the dark giant googly eyes $9.98. Why? Just WHY? And Why would you want to place it on a giant tree in your yard? Do people find this funny?
7) Female kegel exerciser $39.98. Maybe this needs to be in the sex toy catalogue.
8) One of the worst shirts I have ever seen $29.98. If you need a shirt to demonstrate how large a fish you caught was, I can guarantee the person listening to this amazing story does not give a shit. I have been that listener. I would have rather flossed with razors that had to find something intelligent to respond with. I do not need nor want a visual representation. Again, do people find this funny?
What is hot pudding?
Have you eaten it?
What is the worst thing you have seen this year?