“A smile opened, thin as a paper cut” – Michael Chabon
Do you know what sucks? Paper cuts. They hurt like a mother trucker, the bleed like Niagara Falls, and you want to amputate your finger if you happen to get one under your nail. Maybe I am just a wimp, but I would much rather accidentally cut myself with a knife while chopping vegetables than get one of those deadly paper cuts. Is that weird?
I also get annoyed very easily by people. Well, that’s not true. I feel like I have a pretty great tolerance (I am sure Jamie is laughing while reading this) but there are certain things people do with severely annoy me. And since I am trying to be a better person, I think it is only right to get these emotions out. These are the people who deserve to have one of those Mother Trucker under the nail Niagara Falls paper cuts.
+ People who brag about/post pictures of the numerous alarms they have to get out of bed in the morning. Why does one need to brag about setting 34 alarms spread out in 90 minutes before they need to get up? It goes off, you get up, you get ready, and you go do whatever you have to do. Snooze buttons should be illegal. Also, while typing this, I cannot rationally figure out how it even affects me, all I know is that it annoys me.
+ Multiple pictures on Instagram seconds apart of the same thing. For example a family picture taken beside the Christmas tree. Find one, Instagram it. I do not need to see the top 12 family pictures plus the top 5 couple shots, plus the 7 pictures of the dog in light up antlers.
+ I guess this one goes hand in hand with Instagram. #Instagram #hand #hands #handinhand #guessing #girl #GirlsOfInstagram #typing #laptop #me #PleaseGiveMeAPAPAERCUT #cut #paper #papercut #deserving #please #manners
+ Facebook statuses over dead beat daddies. I think some things need to be kept personal and not for your 600 closest friends to read about. Child support, custody, how much you hate them, etc. I think discussing on a FB status makes you JUST as bad as the dead beat. Go to court work it out or STFU and get in line for paper cuts.
+ Parents who cannot control their children in public. Why am I tripping over your bratty kid because you cannot say “no”? Having a kid roll around on the floor screaming and kicking is unacceptable, seriously, how bad do you REALLY need whatever you are picking up. The child is 5, pick them up and leave the establishment before I yell at them – and I will – and on your way out go get a paper cut. UNDER. ALL. YOUR. NAILS.
+ Bitchy employees. I did not walk into your place of employment and fill out the application for you, went to the interview for you, and got you the job. If you hate your job that much – quit, or don’t be bitchy to customers because I have a question regarding something in your facility. Everyone has bad days, but it does not excuse rudeness. Come here, get a paper cut and have a reason to be bitchy.
+ Lastly, for my Canadian friends who I am sure can relate… People in the Tim Horton’s Drive Thru who order 8 coffees, 3 teas, 4 – 12 pack of doughnuts, 5 breakfast sandwiches (all custom made), 2 Panini’s, and a free TimBit for their dog.. And your paper cut will be ready at the window.
Let’s get our anger out together.
Who do YOU think deserves a paper cut?
Do you think I missed anything?
Is there anything you hate more than a paper cut?