My Mind Is Blown.

“Think of a number. Double it. Add six. Half it. Take away the number you started with. Your answer is three. Mind=Blown”.

Today is was a huge mind fuck.I have long drives to and from work. I spend about 3.5 day driving or 17.5 hours per week. It is a lot. It’s long. It’s lonely. It’s peaceful. It’s mind numbing. It’s beautiful.  It’s relaxing. It’s stressful. To pass the time I usually just pretend to be a rock star and sing my heart out. Sometimes I will be a badass and rap to Nicki Minaj (can’t you hear that boom badoom boom boom). Sometimes I will listen to comedy audiobooks. Or sometimes I will just zone out and think about weird shit. It can get so weird it can become a huge mind fuck, or just so weird that it doesn’t even make sense..

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Everyone’s path in life has been determined by certain decisions which have been made. Go to school, get married, etc. Small things can make a huge difference – being 10 minutes late can be the difference of being involved in a car accident of missing it. Running that yellow light or slowing down can make a difference. These little mindless decisions we make whether conscious of it or not, can completely alter the course of our lives.

MIND. BLOWN.

Seriously though. It started me thinking about so many little – or big – decisions I have made, which have all somehow worked together to get me to where I am now.

What if I went to school for English or Journalism? It’s kind of what I wanted to do. I only chose business because it came really easy to me and I did really well in business courses. What if that high school guidance counselor didn’t suggest business to me? Would I have been a high school English teacher? Maybe a journalist for some newspaper. Maybe BFF with Anderson Cooper – or maybe settle for Lisa Ling who would have taken me shopping with Oprah.

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What if I didn’t choose business as an elective in high school…..

What would have happened if Jamie never came into that store when I was 15? I never would have met him. I never would have known he existed.
What made me choose to wear a nametag just one time – the time Jamie was there?
What if 3 years later, when Jamie asked me to go to a baseball game I said no? I was half asleep on the couch when he text me. I hate sports. What made me say yes?
If any 3 of those things didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have had Jamie.

What if I never started this blog? What would I have done in my spare time? I wouldn’t have my beautiful camera which Jamie bought me. I wouldn’t know how amazing all of you are. I never would have fallen in love with Gatsby – Carrie’s dog. I never would have Jenna in my phone with a seashell and a horse to somewhat look like a unicorn.I never would have learned to be more bitter – thanks Ben! I never would have seen the beautiful pictures of England on Instagram without Mrs.B. I never would have found amazing book recommendations from Taryn and Olivia. My life would be so boring.

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What if I never suggested for my mom to start blogging? Without her needing my constant help I would not have started this for sure. Thanks for being technically challenged mom!

What if I never signed up for Twitter during the Super bowl 3 years ago out of boredom. I wouldn’t have some of the amazing friends worldwide that I do.

What if Jamie’s tire did break on the way to the Eric Church concert? Best case we had a great night; worst case we could have been in an accident and be dead?

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From the tiny decisions, the big ones, to the things out of our control, have all completely altered our lives to bring us to this present time.

I guess some call it God’s plan. Fate. Destiny. Coincidence. Life.

I really don’t have a point. I am just rambling about my mind fuck this morning. Hoping to blow your mind as well once you start thinking about the little decisions which have lead you to this point.

————————–
+ Do you ever thing of weird shit while driving?
+ What is the one decision you made which you wouldn’t change?
+ Does rapping make you feel like a bad ass?

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10 thoughts on “My Mind Is Blown.

  1. I do enjoy me some good books! 🙂 I do always zone and think of stuff like that when I’m driving home. Sometimes, as scary as it is, it’ll feel like I barely drove for any time because I zone out so much haha.
    That thought of change and the past decisions I’ve made have always come to my head. You actually have inspired my next post!!
    Thanks doll! Xoxo

    • It IS scary. Especially when you zone back in (?) and you’re like holy F, I am already here? How the hell did I get here? Great to know I’m not the only one who is completely and utterly paying full attention to the roads!

      • Haha I do that everytime I drive home. The drive to my parents seems to take forever but when I’m driving back it goes so fast because I completely zone out!!

  2. Pingback: That “what if” question. | Liv it up.

  3. i LOVE this!!! and i think of this often!! usually i think about what my life would be if i had stayed with my on -and -off high school boyfriend of over 4 years. breaking up with him for good was one of the hardest things i ever had to do, and at the time i never thought my life would be the same (or better) but i am so happy with my path and where i am. all the little decisions lead us to where god intends for us to be, we just have to ask him for help and he’ll take us there. 🙂 love this post, love you! you’re awesome jules!!

    • Thank you girly! It is so crazy to think of these things. Who knows, even if you stayed with him for a little longer you might have still ended up where you are. It’s the little decisions which we make which sometimes have the biggest impact. (I went to Catholic School) my Philosophy teacher in grade 12, explained that if you think of your whole entire life like all the hairs on your head (weird metaphor right?) each moment is equivalent to one strand. So the things which you are stressing over and having a hard time with, in the big picture it is only the size of a strand of hair – so just because something is huge right now, in the big picture it really isn’t. Although there are always exceptions – someone who chooses to take a gun and kill people; yeah that’s a little bit bigger than a strand of hair.

  4. I second carrie, i LOVE this. I think about these things sometimes and it usually freaks me the fuck out haha. I think most about how different my high school experience might have been if I hadn’t had an eating disorder. Those three years of my life would have been completely different!
    I have a bad tendency to completely zone out while I am driving and then forgot how I got from point A to point B! ps: I ADORE that you have a horse and seashell next to my name in your phone, that honestly made my whole night. LOVE YOU!

    • Wow, way to make this even deeper JenJen. High school seems to be the biggest life changing thing. I reflect more on my high school years than on college or elementary school.
      When I was in college I had this bad habit of driving to wherever I was going and zone out, and somehow end up at school then realize “oh shit. I was supposed to be going to the mall. It’s Saturday. WTF am I doing here, parked, at school”.

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